i been vexed abt smth.. few things though

firstly for frens i been biased n touchy these days. tat cld be possible tat i m changing as i grow older. i tend to think alot. like y they treat me like invisibke whn i talked to them? or isnt it weird if i tried to asking them out? or y they getting so close to me? like in grps. if too close n u discover bad things  a bad side of them if u cnt take it u wun wan to hearfrm them. i been like ff up i dw to hear nonsense. cos they do it too. crazy eh?
secondly i been emo.. like i dun feel like talking. i just hate being forced by ppl to talk. it damn like yea a gd thing for me but leave me alone man! y not i ask u to talk! damn it after mang few days doing tat u will feel rather ff up sia?
thirdly my hormone. or stress. i been under stress n not feeling fullyy statisfied abt smth. probably i hv needs i do wan to do tat. probably well it just me. accept me for who i m. but i always the type who change minds often. if offend u ff off .. i m like tat i m not gg to hv a gd heart listening to u or saving u or being led by u. i m gg to show my the other side n it gg to be nasty. cos i dun give a damn abt anything. thigns changed as time goes by. ppl changes too. like hell...

Do i still like u? U r a practical n narrow minded guy. U nowadyas just think of ur pride. U dun seem to be ready for rs either.. yea i m not preetty n neither slim. I do not hv wat man wants... beauty.. sexy looking i m not. I m mostly boring or not looking or even acting like a proper decent girl.. but y do i still like u ? Or maybe just lonely n i just target u as replacement target? I cnt confess my feelings to u as it will be awkward.. well even now no difference ...not much close. We just act as if ice n fire. Cnt mix tgt.. hope i will forget abt u.. iits been.. woah.5mths ?! Geez..

I shldnt say too much on fbk. But i still wanna share. N i know.. my cousins will read.. n tell to my aunt. I gg to hougang mall now. Bored. N i like bus ride while listening to music :) nice n quiet. Today is tat person bday. No dun think i rmb it. Is my aunt remind me a few days ago n it just lingered in my mind. His bday. I nth to say or nth to give. N he doesnt ask me to say. I wanna behave spoilt like badass dun care. Like i care? He even forgotten mom bday once or twice. I hate him. I detest him for his selfish n heartless actions. Cos of him i cnt or dun dare to hv a bf or marry. He is the one tat owe us. Yea i may owe him just 3yrs.before age of 4.. bu not later  whn he changed alot. Mum blind to his so called nice man. Mans.. seriously u dw to marry dun. Or else u made the women suffer. still i gg hougang to buy sour snacks for hum. My life not tat blessful or blissful but i m not stupid to destroy my life over this. I once cut my wrists n mom cried after founding abot it. I feel stupid. Watever actions cancause either happy or sad consequnces.  I m 19 alr. Fully young adult .. thr r things i cnt control. Plus thr r ppl whom i cnt ctrl. They ctrl me instead. I dw tat. Unless its right tat i owe them.  I m not gg to givw in like a fool or be soft hearted. Unless it shld be. Plus i dw to be forced by anyone. I m doing watever i wan. U not happy i dun care cos i do wan to think for myself more than i think for u. Cos its wasted if i do think for u. U nvr change or will u? Uh pigs will fly if u do. Ppl or humans r so interesting... 
Still i m gg to hougang n buy sweet or sour tibits for him.

How is ut to feel being dead or dying..painful? Or fast one.. i just tot of it last night all of a sudden.. i became scared. I will see my dead grandpa? My great grandma.. i will see many those i dk .. death is scary but being alive is more scarier.. seeing news of death, being betrayed, being happ, but dk wat will happen ltr or wat the consequnces.. yes i think too much.. hais so.. i m growing up soon i hv to face it. Whn i die no one knows me at all.. soon. I dun even know my ancestors. Even my grandparents not tat familiar. Too long time ago.. time is the thing we nid  to treasure wif wif family friends n even enemies. They r part of our life. How to live n hoe to suffer n how to enjoy.. wow i think too much.. hahas silly m i? Humans so fragile in my eyes but to them even the strongest thinks it nths. Death is just a word simple single word. But it defeats us all. All wecan do is to face it bravely  tats wat i tot. But i still fear even death itself n god.. god yes pls give me courage ..face the truth face the reality..hais i off to work.

I dk whether i m realli crazy abt u or i just use u cos thr no other suitable guys... tats crazy i know...
I been working since june at gongcha..not bad pay but irregular hrs. At least i cld decide not to work whn or wat time i can resume work. Its freestlye.. i shldnt give up eh.. pay rise frree drink meet new frens. Tats real work
For love life.. geez i dw to talk abt it. I dun hv a bf n i dw to hahas cos men . I cnt rely on them sia.. man hahas m i crazy..god bless me i m not feeling well today...runnung nose. Blocked aso walao

hahas i m telling smth tst i cnt hold it in my heart long hehe..i dk how to explain but i guess this pic says it all..

i meet him in april intake. i wasnt realli close to him.. lets say he is. mr.crush. we both at same age n i started to like him since edge camp. i  dk la.. we were well, to me hving fun chatting n i even rmb i pinched him! for fun wah.. then i even took his french fries^^ i wasnt hungry but i like fooling around wif him. after tat camp everything turned unreal. i wasn ttalking to him at all n vice versa. its like we were both totally strangers even up to now. i just txt him only. i dk why the hell i like him so i tot to myself maybe it just admiration. he gd in both practical and theory works, fit, not tat handsome,, hashahs i always joke wif my frens he has two sausages looking like mouth hahas. nerd but practical :/ i dun like practical guy..
then once my class n i hving just a PLAIN QUIZ! e damn dw to tell us ans n just save himself. frm then on i begin to judge him. i heard ppl saying he ike choibu type. i m not tat sexy or pretty or fair girl.  i m just tan, short, deaf plus dk how to spk chinese even i m.. lols.
then i aso noticed he is close to a malayy girl but she is kinda mixed race n fair. preety of course n cool type. who wun like.... or else men blind liao. ya i once asked him do u like her. he just said just close frens. tat time my heart beat fast..like happy? but not totally. men can like so us.. hais i then decided to give him up. since edge camp tilll maybe soon ltr i m gg to give him up. liking aperson so long brings me nth but meaningless hope. m..3 mths eh. siao din dong la i.. i m still young. like i wan him liao.
bye bye my crush. or dead-heart-crush

wendy.

i met them frm ite. i m lucky to know them. i once hurt deeply by my close fren ex bf.. in silence or even in open areas.. but i dare not burst cos i dw to hurt her. i m  in the wrong. i shldnt matchamde them both before knwing one another well. my reckless decision had lead to an outcome. my fren probably trying to hate him. well to me i think hate is an option. forgive but i cnt forget.
The second photo..i meet more since i been hurt deeply i dicovered thr r ore who r concerned abt me n even my fren. i m realli thankful tat they r wif us at tat time.. whn i burst my anger at tat brainless guy. i rmb i cried realli hard wif tremble i wanna stop but i cldnt. i even stupid to think of the classmates opinion of tat situation tat time tat i dw to cont cryng but i [probably in deepest fear tat i cnt stop crying. things from then on changed.. i became more watchful n more on guard against especially guys.. but i m lucky to hv frens old n new. ;) love u cnt keep long but friendship u can.